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A Rebel with a Cause...
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Daniel de Carvalho Souza's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]
Saturday, November 27th, 2004
6:29 pm
New LJ name
Siiverback
Siiverback
Siiverback
Siiverback
Siiverback
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
1:06 am
Last Post as Pariah
This is my last post on this journal; so here's a fare well to the Pariah, on what he's been up to... and I'll post this same shit on Siiverback LJ that I made and it'll be from here on that Siiverback will be my official LJ tag, cuz I'm no longer tha outcast mutha fuckas, I'm lettin the Sun rays blast against my back, and push me forward, fuck all the outcast shit... here it is...


Incredible view... Had to get a shot at it... I climbed up ontop of my mothers clients roof, just to get this shot... amazing; fall is the equilibrium of the year...

The_Pariah, as he approaches the Silverback metamorphosis... and leaves The_Pariah for the past to acknowledge...

(You hear Luciano Pavarotti in the background... as my back turns shines silver... hah...)

this is the last we'll be seeing of these for now... until next year... because the trees are completely naked now...

Last day of Hot Glass; I wasn't too enthusiastic this day, I was getting crazy with the creative edge in that class, then the quarter ended, and I was forced to move onto other subjects, had to get my academics going...

Me stressin at the fact this was the last day of hot glass, and that's marsha on the right, friend of mine, and that's my Hot glass teacher Mr. Schell giving me a thumbs up instead of the "fuck you" finger I asked him to give me lol...

Morning of last Football game, tired as fuck, getting to school at fuckin 9 in the morning... shulda been there at 7:30

Interlake vrs. Sammamish... Hot girls ass that me and Farrahs got a shot at... come on now, we just had to, look at that; it's like a Michaelangelo statue... or some shit... lol

Johnny m'fuckin D. tryina act like me... bitch... lol jk

Johnny boy... I've taught you well my young apprentice... hah... No matter how many shit I teach you I'll still school you boy, don't even pull that "Torro" shit on me, I'll fuckin pull my red flag out, and my Rapier Sword on a bull, fuck that...

Chillin' as I take note on the progress of Jon's efforts... He's only been playing soccer for a fuckin month, and he's already made for JV... I'm gonna get this fucker good enough for Varsity by the time soccer tryouts begin, watch me... But fuck that, lemme show ya'll how you pull off a real rainbow... Jon tried it, and got it right once on one of those pictures, but damn... I'd never expect a month old player to be doing a rainbow by now...

That's me pulling off the rainbow all 3 times... but the first one was a lacker... not as good as I usually pull it off, but the other two are flawless, for those of you who don't know what a rainbow is in soccer, it's where your running with the ball and jump infront of it while its still moving real fast, and pick the ball up with both of your heels while its still rolling fast on your heels, then you catapult the ball over your head and your opponents heads with your left heel; if you can pull this move off in a game it's fuckin crazy... you can catapult over goalies, over a whole defense set up if your smart enough, I havent pulled it off in a game yet, but i'm sure I can, I'll make it 1 of my goals to pull it off during soccer season, I've been practicing hard man... I know I'll do it...

I drove up to crossroads today to buy some groceries cause my moms wasn't feeling too well, and to pick up jon from downtown bellevue, and when I stepped out of my moms piece of shit Toyota Tracker... my eyes grew wider than.... I duno shit, a mango seed? and my jaws dropped to the fuckin asfault, on the real... For those of you who don't know? This is the 2005 Mustang GT... Hasn't even been put on markets yet, the guy who owns this fuckin told me he's the only 1 in the U.S. who has one, but I find that hard to believe... He says it came out for sale exactly at that hour when he bought it... the shit is fucking insane, it'll put beamer M5 to shame... it looks bad on these pics cuz of the quality but if you'd seen it in real life, you woulda been like, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!? lol... I don't know I've just heard hella shit about this car from my friends, and I was waiting to see it, and I guess i got the first oppurtunity mutha fuckaz! hah...

well thats enough of this, I'm out...

The_Pariah... R.I.P.

Enter... Siiverback... add me if you got love for me, peace...

Peace to the God
Peace para toda minha Familia!
Peace to anybody who gives a fuck!

Current Mood: Woooooooooooooo!!!!!! BITCH
Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
7:35 pm
Apocalypse Now..!..
Man, oh man... Lately shit's been a little hectic... I got in a fight with my mother again the other day, and I said some dumb shit that I know I shouldn't of said, but it came out through anger, and I hope she understands that... I've taken back the things I've said, and I did not deny or tell myself I was right in the situation... So, I can't really do much about it but stress it out... and hope she has the heart to understand me... I went and helped her out with her work after school a today, and I felt good about it, we talked, and said what needed to be said, but in the end I still know she holds it in her... She keeps reminding me to avoid saying shit like that in the future, so that clearly tells me she still holds it in her... I know I'm wrong, and I sure as hell know that I'm sorry, I don't know what else to do besides express that and help her out when she needs me... FUCK, man... I hate it when I fight with my mom, it's like when my relationship with her isn't right, my life isn't right, my days go by quicker, and the days don't shine as bright as they usually do, and i'm just overall not motivated to do shit... i hate that feeling...

i'm in a better mood though... though i still got to pay dues for my wrongs, I'm living... living with stress but never the less i'm still breathing...

so i started second quarter... holy shit I don't think i've been this behind in my AP Lit class before... I missed a day(the last day of last quarter) and I missed the AP exam, and some other assignments; ontop of that i never finished the diary project on the crucible, and these new assignments being assigned just keeps piling up on this pile of unfinished work... I have to attend friday school this friday so I'm going to use that to my advantage... Maaaaannnnnnnn I hate going up to my teacher having to always give her an excuse for this type of shit... She's understanding, and gives me time to work at my own pace, but I still fuck it up... When I'm in class sometimes I can't even look at her straight because I feel bad... Fuck that though, I'll pull through... I don't have to prove shit to anybody with this AP class... I only have to prove it to myself... with the other classes it's not like that... I have to start working on this pile of homework though... here's a little list to remind myself what I need to get finished by..... I don't know sooon!.. FRIDAY....... hopefully...

-Crucible Diary Project
-Timed Write
-Syntax "Crisis"(Ethos, Logos, and Pathos)
-WRITTEN RESPONSE TO DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE(Annotate and consider Jeffersons use of Ethos, Logos, and Pathos){DUE TOMORROW!!!!!}
-Patrick Henrys "Speech to The Virginia Convention" Notemaking/taking
-SOAPStone Church Bullitin..?(gotta talk to her about this one)
-Terminology 7 -- Study this shit for the upcoming test!!!

That's my lit class... I'm sure theres more work to make up but I can't get it all organized now...

My Psychology class hasn't been as rough; we've only done some book work, and note taking, and our first homework assignment was assigned tonight, which i've already kinda finished in class... some simple shit... had to find something that I find interesting in the Psychology book and write 3 questions, 3 hypothesis, and 3 conclusions... and after that come up with 3 ways we can find out more about the topic... I don't know man... My Psychology class hans't caught me yet... I've been pretty bored in there... but the teacher keeps me guessing... questioning shit... not verbally, but in my mind, it feels like i'm on guard trying dodge or defend myself or outwitt the teacher, or find a way to give him a sharper look than he gives me... I don't know, I'll get with the class later, right now my focus is on lit... so with all this shit being said, and organized... I'm out of here... I gotta start working or else i'm fucked...

oh yeah, after this entry I'm making a different LJ name, this one will be for posting verses... my new one will be "siiverback" so if you got love, you'll add siiverback to your friends list, and siiverback shall add you back... until then I'm out, peace ya'll

Peace To The GOD
Peace para toda minha Familia!
Peace To whoever's giving a fuck about me!

Current Mood: busy
6:47 pm
asdf
I'm a Pariah at heart... Rebel, Outlaw, bearing the slightest of scars/
Can't help it, it's in my blood, my poppa held too much pride in his heart/
But never the less, man; I try to be righteous on whichever road I take part/
I Thank the Old Earth for her kind heart/
For blessing my life with a spark/
I stress tryina sight it from afar/
But I stay kept... Stress a little patience, save sweat.../
Keep myself on the edge, for where I stand on cant be wet/
Got cats under me, eyein under the cracks, waitin for me to break off some pro-fit/
I get... Tryina live life by the sec-/
-ond by the minute, the more I'm stressin, the more I'm eatin/
The more I'm sleepin, the more my health sets upon the evenin.../
When I receive it, radiate through heat, it's a day given gift to who needs it/
A few reach it... With hopes of joy through fortune; a needless/
Thought, for the reality that they livin.../
While he's at it, he oughta be happy but he's bitchin.../
Missin the allegory, wishin for fallacy's being.../
I pray... and I try to stay out of the kitchen.../
Cuz If I fuck up the seasonin, then I gotta cook out what I'm given.../
I try to thank life every evenin... and Pray every night for forgiveness.../
Make targets right for the hittin/
Oppurtunities right for the gettin.../

Current Mood: asdf
Friday, November 12th, 2004
4:31 pm
Unconditional Love
Probably the best I've written yet... and I'm PROUD of it!



Who do I gotta give thanks to in my life..?/
You, ma... and every word I express can't do, for all the pain and strife/
I've caused... while you just stood be-side/
Me through all the hard times, see, you be the most precious gift of life/
And I cherish this love as I'm expressin it with Pride/
Nobody else helped this kid, while I would stress and try to pry/
Myself... Makin attempts to open up in-side.../
Oh... and my e-motions?;/
Steadily have kept me feelin hopeless/
But the head of this Pedigree, never left her child who's growin/
Older by the second, see, now I treat my efforts with ease as I be lopin/
Across these seasoned oceans, of cold and steamin hot emotions/
And when I see you cryin, ma; It hurts me, so I hold you, and give you hopin/
That someday, I'll pick it up; just Pull it.../
Keepin the motion, of the Carvalho and Souza Legacy/
The Saga's just begun ma, the earth's as fertile as can be/
What can I do now, except for take that step, and reach/
I'm ready for this, with all the lessons that you've preached/
I've always listened, and kept it deep within me/
When I sleep, I dream of understanding/
My cause in life, so I plow... proceed to plant seeds/
Around the premiss of the most prescious tree thats standing/
Proud and firm among my Old Earth in her Moment of her Splendor... Glorious Grace/
Momma, You taught how to be a bolder kid when I prayed.../
Still bolder when I pray; Not a holder of lies, learned how to take/
Punishments of Karma... Learned how to accept the wrongs I've done, instead of lettin em haunt away/
The only sense of good in my heart... So, I stay expressin all my fate/
By the hour, By the day, tryina' correct all my mistakes/
Using my intellect instead of hate/
Looming right, and left I intercept the negative ways.../
You're keen, ma... Sheltered my head with the mindstate.../
Of my father... but instead of the hate he held, you've blessed me with my faith/
I suffer... But never the less I still see the light of day/
Can't imagine how tougher you had to be, at 7:55 I came.../
So Momma I wanna thank you, For givin this life my name.../
I'm runnin up on adventures... To glissen Aurianas sake/
Give Auriana a Safe.../
Livin Environment where a Queen can Stay/
Sittin Up High, on a seat of Jade/
Is the way I'll keep my promise to Aurianas faith/

Peace To The GOD!
Peace To Toda Minha Familia!
Peace To Anybody Who Cares!

and most of all... Peace To My Mother... Know matter what? Know that I love you... Always and Forever

Current Mood: affectionate
Monday, November 8th, 2004
8:48 pm
The 8th
Well, it's beena while... I've been trying to get with my school... Haven't been too successful... I gotta retake my World Religion class... well I don't have to... but I choose to... I've missed too many days... I haven't skipped, I'm just not motivated to get up at fuckin 5:45 in the morning every day, and get my ass to school... So that's that, I could make an attempt to pass the class, within 2 days, but fuck it... It's in my best interest to retake it... I've done my work, I've showed what I know, I don't have to prove shit to anybody... besides my self... only person I gotta prove wrong is myself... So I'm taking it again, and this time I'ma ace that shit... fuck that, I knew everything in that class, I didn't pass it cuz I didn't show up... It's shameful...

We got Finals in 2 days... I'm prepared... AP Lit is going to be a struggle... It's a Timed Write final... I can't focus my thoghts on paper quick enough... and especially when your under pressure like that... you go blank... but I'm confident enough, I've done this shit before, I'll have to pull through... Hot Glass Finals... easy shit... as long as my group doesn't pressure me to hurry, i'll be fine... I fuckin hate it when people try to rush me into shit, it completely fucks with my work... I gotta work at my own pace, everythings gotta be balanced... if they wanna rely on me to pass the exam for them, then they gotta respect that shit, and not tense my working area up...

I'm taking Psychology next semester... then next year I'm taking AP Psychology... that's the only change I got in my schedule for this quarter... so my schedule looks like this

1 - Study Skills
2 - World Religions
3 - AP American Literature
4 - Psychology

then next semester I start the math, and science, and all that shit...

The Moon is in Libra right now... Thank You God... For I get the blessing of taking my finals, during my prime time of the month... Moon in Libra...

The Last football game was this friday... We lost, but we lost with grace... At the end of the game, Interlake took the trophy... but as I saw both teams in the field... I felt proud, even though we lost... For Interlake was scattered across the field, all happy and shit... While Sammamish stood together in crowd, raising there helmets in the air where they all connected... The bright field lights shined on the helmets, and it was a honorable sight to watch... I felt proud to be a Totem... Even though we lost almost every game, we hung in there, and doing so we all grew... Next year my homie Casey is going to dominate that football field I already know it... The kid's been making mad runs on the seniors and shit, he's just a sophmore... The fuckin cheerleaders always cheer on the wrong people, and leave the true talent under the shadows... I wanna see what'll happen when Casey runs over everybody next year, people will start cheering the right person, but they will be too fuckin late in doing so...

It's beautiful outside... Fall to me is the Prime of the year... The world looks better, the weather is harsher, but that's ok... It's a chance to test the people living on it... The senses sharpen, and people get smarter... and hopefully people get stronger over all... I know I have... Tensions between me and other students in the school started to lessen, I've learned to just try and be nice to everybody I meet... if I come across somebody who seems like potential beef, I try to avoid it... I've been kicken it mostly with the Iranians, and the Romanians, and some Mexicans... Jon's been getting on my nerves, Luis has turned into a little bitch, taking everything I say seriously... Jon just acts like he's older than he really is, and he should stop trying to be like that because he's a foot smaller than everybody else and is about a year younger too... It annoys me when people do that... Try to play somebody that they aren't, and acting like they're more important than others, it irritates me... I asked him to come play soccer today and he says "Nah, I got more important shit to do" whatever that may be, it doesn't mean you can't go out for 30 minutes and kick a ball around, kid... You just turned 16, your still a kid, so stop acting bullheaded and enjoy your childhood...

Got this girls number... her names Mika, from the Phillipines, shes pretty young, but she looks older, and shes got a nice look goin to the personality... can't say i know her too well yet, but theres always time... haven't called her yet either, i'll call her later... i'm tired right now, just got done with soccer with benny, jon and farrahs, we drove up to jack in the box afterwards, and stuffed ourselves... feels good as fuck right after you eat, and your digesting your food... your just like.... "awwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhh...... mutha fucka....." chilled the fuck out and shit... well im out of here, i got homework to do, and it's already pretty late... i think i'll get back to writing on this shit but if i do i'll probably change the user name... the_pariah is played out... and it's no longer who i am... no longer the outcast... i think i'll change the shits to Silv3rback... whatever i'll worry about it later... peace

Peace To The GOD!
Peace para toda minha Familia!
Peace To whoever cares!

and im out...

Current Mood: chilled
Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
4:56 pm
Tarzan ain't shit to me... This is None Fiction Mutha Fucka..! Oh Yeah... and FUCK bush...
First things first... This is MY domain... The Premiss I rule over... Check it...


And the King Holds his grounds... and Climbs up to his Throne... You wanna claim my spot? Then you gotta climb up to the place I just sit at... So just imagine how high the spot I sleep on is...

Just walkin up my Stairs... :-\

And right Now, I'm just half up the throne... Time to Move on Up...

You see this? The highest Peak... Where I'm comfortable at, and where I can't be reached... And I grip Fire... Now What...

You fuck around my premiss, I'll spit it at you... Above Grounds... Breathing Fire... maaaaan, fuck Tarzan, Fuck a Dragon and Fuck Bush... I'll light bush on fire, and spit my saliva at him to put his ass out... You may control votes, but I control the Trees, bitch... I'm the reason you breath... You could never be at my heights on your own... You failed to keep your honesty by dodging your draft on the fuckin airforce mother fucker... How can you live knowing you cheated your way up there like a little bitch, then fuck your country over, suppress my religion like were nothing(Brazilian Natives, UDV, Common Brazilian Religion that I was born baptized under, not common to Americans...), and then rig your way into obtaining both fuckin terms..? People aren't dumb... People think about this shit... In reality? You would never win another term, bitch... Nobody likes you, you got a worse reputation than fuckin Vanilla Ice... You're the reason America is no longer in the good graces of the rest of the world... YOU... and for what..? Oil? History Records? Keeping up to you're daddies legacy of War? Suppression? Killing People? Lying? Rigging the whole fuckin Election? Man, Fuck you... And Fuckn you too Kerry... You Puss... People shulda voted Edwards over your bitch ass...
It's cool though... Sooner or later people will realize... and Bush won't be around for much longer... and with all of that said?

I'm still the reason you breath...

Peace To The GOD!
Peace To The Righteous!
Peace To Fidel Castro!
Peace To Che Gueverra!
Peace To The Revolutionists who didn't let America fuck with Them!
Peace To The World for the Sake of Peace!
Peace To toda minha Familia!
Peace To Whoever gives a FUCK..! Keep Your Head Up!

Current Mood: accomplished
3:51 pm
Fall... My Senses Sharpen... My Soul Starts Rising... My Strength Is Tested...


Ain't that a beauty... This is why I love Fall... It gets cold and damp... and not much fun for the outdoors... but the sights... the sights are unforgettable...

Fuck it... I'll brb... I'm climbing one of those trees... I haven't climbed up a tree in so long... It'll be good for me... I'll take some pictures up there... be back in a little while

Current Mood: Emotional
Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004
6:01 pm
Testing the Camera on my new phone I got a week ago...
the ones with the black beanie was taken today, the one with the red shirt was taken about a week ago...






Current Mood: chilled
Saturday, October 16th, 2004
1:26 am
Out
i'm done with this shit for a while... too much shit to do, not enough time to waste... so peace to anybody who cares for now...

Peace To The GOD!
Peace To The Familia!
Peace To Everybody Else!

Current Mood: Elevating
Saturday, October 9th, 2004
1:31 am
Check It...
This Week... I'm going to wear a La Vida Tuxedo to school for two days... Me and my friend Jaime are going to rock these suits and hand out 50, 30% off Cards for Tuxedos, for the kids who are going to homecoming... My friend Jon works at The Tux Shop up in Crossroads and Bellevue Square, and he needs people to do this for him, and my friend Jaime automatically said he wanted to do it, and it gave me the idea that maybe if I do this, I'll end up finding a date, and end up going to homecoming for the first time... Shit, why not, what do I got to lose? If I do this Jon said the manager will get me free suit for the homecoming night... I'm gonna look like a fuckin G, holy shit... Look at this, it's some James Bond shit... Oscar De La Renta La Vida... Imagine me walking down the halls wearing this shit man, lol...
What do I have to lose? if I don't get to go to Homecoming, oh well, if I do, more power to me :-]...



I went to the football game today, we lost, but we did good, I was impressed with how well my homie Casey did, he's just a sophmore, playing with juniors and seniors, he was making lots of plays for a little guy... I saw that girl at the game today... Gawwwwwd Damn... She kept streaking her hair infront of me, so sexy... My friend Jaime went out with her before, and I didn't even know... He told me hella shit about her, shes no dummy... She got him suspended for writing a letter to her after they broke up... That's not cool, but I don't know... just the fact that she won't let people fuck with her is attractive to me... I told him that the reason I like her is because she seems like shes got her head straight, responsible, faithful, hard working, takes care of herself and everything... he said I was right on, and that's the reason why he liked her in the first place. He doesn't like her anymore, and he says she's a "bitch" and is picky, I'll see for myself, I don't like seeing just negative shit in people, everybody has good qualities, maybe she just needs to let somethings inside of her out, and maybe she just needs to have the right partner to influence that... I won't claim that position... But I will attempt it... I need to stop being a little bitch and take initiative... I know there's attraction between us... It's one of those things where you can just tell... The Eye contact... The Games... It's all a game, she wants me to make the move, but I'm shy as fuck, and I've never really chased girls... But I understand it, I should have talked to her last fuckin year, but I was too shy... Shit is about to end though, I'm taking initiative... After my Birthday yesterday... I felt a burst of freedom just come out of me... I wasn't really caring about what people were thinking of me at the football game... I didn't give a fuck, I was yelling at the top of my lungs while everybody else just clapped, and shit... and I just took up this Tuxedo Responsibility... I normally would never think of doing something like that because of my anxietys... but I took it up today... Shit... Fuck that, I'm going to homecoming, and I'm going to make an attempt at that girl... If I don't now, then I never will... I know damn well shes not going to come and talk to me, girls don't do that, thats a mans job... So, I'm going for it...

Well right now, what I'm going for is a plate of fuckin food, cuz I'm starving, and haven't eaten shit all day...

Peace to The GOD!
Peace to The Familia!
Peace to Anybody who Cares!

Current Mood: confident
Friday, October 8th, 2004
12:41 pm
October 8th, 1987, 7:55 PM
Well it's my birthday today, I woke up pretty depressed, looked outside all I could hear and see was rain... I'm feeling pretty good right now though, I'm about to go clean my house up, then after I'm done, going to do my laundry, then work on some homework before hand... and if I get all of this finished today, I'll go fill some more applications out, and stop by walgreens again to get some feedback... I just wrote verse, and I'm pretty proud of it... so here you go...

Eyo Its my time... Its my year.../
Grippin life, by the ear/
So when I rhyme, you're bound to hear/
What I got to say.../
Right now? I'm made.../
Each step I take... Another sec-ond away/
From my desti-nation, where the average shit's late/
Sun, right above my head, makin the way/
Clear for me.../
Sparkin the light, towards the road I stear towards, deep/
Lured for me, be the oppurtunity of fortunate re-wardings/
I'll try to keep heart clean, so if I speak harshly/
understand me, for what I am.../
I stand guarding my mind, cuz I'm battling myself until I end/
But I try, every day, wash my hands, grip to pray/
Please Forgive me, I don't intend to hate/
I know my sin's my fate, but I'm a man with faith/
In myself, I've always held my own beliefs, don't escape/
My sin's so easily, or they'll haunt the moment that I've kept in peace/
I'm not payin my wealth, to be forgiven by a Catholic Priest/
I'm aligning myself with the calibur of Adams anatomy/
Not yet have I seen, a passion in the pupil of an After Eve/
I don't lack in speech, but I won't rap or speak/
Anytime soon, unless my thought is held with deep/
Time, and Significance to it.../
From here on, you can think of me as a mime, who lift's True shit/
In me is the right to "listen", "chew", "piss"/
"Drink" from the cup, "blessin" my two "lids"/
"Think" of the clues then, "spit" literate names to "kids"/
Who play roles, as the roots lift/
Root-less, I stand as the True Myth.../
Clueless I glide, through matter, striking air too swift/
The Speed of Light is just 50 Percent of the Agility when my mind chooses to SIT.../

Peace To The GOD!
Peace To The Familia!
Peace To Anybody who Cares!

Current Mood: Celebration
Wednesday, October 6th, 2004
12:44 pm
Haha, damn man...

In my first period today, we were having classrom discussion, based on Oppression and the Muslim women, and we were discussing certain newspaper articles of actual muslim women talking, and other passages from the Qu'ran, and some of American Conversations with Muslim Women... We were having a smooth class discussion, with everybody involved and everything, not everybody agreeing, but we all have our reasons and shit... Then these two girls decided to give there imputs and they hand't for the whole class period, and when they opened there mouths I felt sorry for them... lol... one of them said the stupidest shit, outloud that I almost couldn't believe that people don't know how to think before they speak lol... our teacher was explaining how in America, Women and Men are treated equally, and have equal rights, but in reality men and women aren't equal(not my comment, the teachers, comment, and this other girl from class, not the two who said the dumb shit) and right away most of the girls disagreed with the statement of men and women arent equal... and the teacher said "how many of you here are 18" and there was only 2 students, 1 of them was a guy, and the other was a girl, then the teacher asked, "when you look at these two human beings why do you think they are different" and nobody really said shit, then the teacher answered "they're different because he has to get drafted at 18 to protect the girl from danger." And then... they opened there mouths... the stupidddddesssstttt shit came out when they moved there lips... I almost felt sorry for them... one of them went and said "Oh, well it's not like I want to go to war, I like being protected, I want to be protected" and then the other one raised her hand, out of nowhere, and said "the difference between the girl and the boy is that when you think of the guy, you think he's all big, and muscular, and strong, and handsom" hahaha I was about to fuckin fall out laughing, seriously... i felt sorry for them, lol... and then these girls at my religion class start wondering why I have concret detailed facts, instead of thinking with my fuckin dick, and make girls out to be princesses who can never do any wrong... I love girls man, theres some girls that just make me stop breathing for a second, just so i can acknowledge the beauty, and personality, the way that they express themselves, and everything... but there are some girls that need to just shut the fuck up and think about what their saying... cuz when you say stupid shit like "oh i like being protected, its not like i wanna get drafted, i like not going to war" it just totally fucks with the perspectives... thats why i don't chase girls man, i was starting to think it was a bad thing that i don't chase, but now i like the way i am, i'll just keep being focused, and do all my shit, and if I come across the girl who is responsible, modest, honorable, faithful, beautiful, and just all around girl who is worth me going out of my day or putting myself in danger for... i'd like to know a girl is thankful when i go put myself in danger, instead of "oh i liked being, protected, its not like i wanna go to war..."

pfffft... i'm out of here...

Peace to The GOD!
Peace To The Familia!
Peace to Anybody Who Cares!
Monday, October 4th, 2004
6:29 pm
My Life...
Damn, where should I start...

I haven't really kept up with this shit, besides posting verses whenever I'm in the mood... Well, I know I gotta catch up with this shit atleast once a week, so here's what I got for now...

Well ever since October 1st my lifes been fuckin great... Just like those Astrology reports predicted... October = Best Month for me in the next 12 years... and this year specifically... best year for me in the next 12 years... I already explained why, earlier so if you wanna know why, just read those astrology shit I posted in earlier posts...

I began the month at the bottom, and I just kept on advancing and expanding... My lucks been coming back to me, my will to get ahead of life has come back to me, my awareness over all has just been sharp and perceptive... My friendship with my homies, have all strengthened... My confidence isn't at its full potential yet, but I wont stress it, if it comes it comes... I'm referring to comfronting a certain somebody, that I am "fond" of them... hehhheheeheheh...

Me and my dogs have been having strong encounters as friends and shit, and it just makes our friendship that much better... We box now... Get our anger out of eachother, and just beat the shit out of one another for sport... no face shots, or cheap shots... everything else goes... no gloves no nothing... we'll buy some gloves later, but until then, fuck it... This is the type of shit real men do, fight for fun, with no hatred involved... doing it for sport, it just makes our bond stronger, and makes US more stronger over all, makes us think, act, and display ourselves as men... We're not out there trying to inspire people to fight, but were out there letting our anger out willingly with no harm done... best and safest way to do it... Jon fucked my back up though, after a couple of rounds the other night, he fuckin knocked my back out of place, and my mothers friend who is a back therapist put it back in place... Oh well, I knocked his ass on the ground, and left his chest and stomach all bruised up and shit lol... Jon's a little guy, but when he's fighting he's like a bull, no shit... he came at me, packing like 5 punches in a second, all over my front, I got knocked into the tables and shit, but after that he was done lol... We're supposed to each box these two kids on friday, october 8th, which is my fuckin birthday too... It'll be me vrs this romanian kid James, and Jon's going up against this Puerto Rican kid Oscar... I won't say shit cause I don't wanna say somethin then end up getting my ass kicked... but I feel pretty confident... and I think Jon can handle his shit...

I've been studying hard... Getting all my work in on time, making up all my unfinished work, been turning applications in... I think I'm going to be working at walgreens pretty soon, hopefully... I filled the application out for the manager real quick, then I did this survey for him in like 10 minutes, and then I kept going back in there the same day doing everything he was telling me to, in order to get hired, and he was impressed with how dedicated I was, he even told me "that's good that you were concerned, we'll keep you're application here, and go through it, and if you're elligible then we'll call you back." I just hope that I get this phone call fast, I need to stay busy or else I cant get ahead...

World Religion... I've been acing that shit... Every religion we've studied I went through them like I already knew the shit... Got all the assignments in on time, had onpoint questions to ask the guest speakers, I was even a discussion leader to lead the rest of the class with the discussions and shit... Right now we just finished doing Christianity, so we're moving on to Islam now... We started today, and I'm relieved... Because this seems like the only religion that's a bit different than all the other ones...
Learned about the 5 Pillars, and some of Mohammads teachings, and words of wisdom... We have some paper to read for a quiz tomorrow, and some questions to write for the guest speaker coming in either this week or next week... Easy shit, I'll get it finished tonight...

AP American Lit... I've been doing suprisingly great... I was so nervous and unconfident in the beggining of the year, I wasn't getting shit in because I was too worried about what the rest of the year would be like and shit... But lately I've been just getting the shit over with, getting it done, turning it in, raising my hand with the right answers and everything... Learning better literature techniques through diction analysis and stylistic maturity essays, shit like that... We finished reading the Scarlet Letter, and I got a 38/41 on The Test over the whole Book, and I got all my Chapter Summaries in for the whole book... Shit man, I don't know what could go wrong in school right now, I'm on top of my game, and I plan to keep it that way...

I've been attempting to live a more social life and shit, me luis and jon have been going out to the school sports games and shit... Girls Soccer, the Football games... Girls soccer team are pretty good, I was pretty impressed, only tip I'd give them is to not dribble, and just pass to eachother, and hustle or run for the ball more, not just give up when they lose it... and control the breathing... I saw some girl out in the field dying and shit because of a sideache... that's because she didn't breath at a normal pace, if you breath at one pace throughout the whole game you never get tired, or get any sideaches... even if you're sprinting as fast as you can, keep the breathing at the same pace, don't speed it up or else you get fucked on the side... I don't blame em though, that's the biggest problem I have... fuckin sideaches... that's always been why I couldn't surpass the normal, cuz of fuckin sideaches lol... The Football game was a disaster... We went over to Newport to watch the remainder of the game, and when we got there the scoreboard was 32-7, their lead... We payed 6 dollars anyways to watch the shit... I'm not a football player nor do I watch football, but shit, it's something to do on a friday night, it wasn't too bad... Even though we got murdered, they still did a good job... Jon explained to me how the whole thing goes, so I'm not so clueless anymore...

The only bad thing that's happened to me lately was saturday... Me and Jon took my moms car to go shop for some shit that she wanted me to buy, she didn't wanna go cuz she was working all day, and had back aches, so I went with Jon, and we got pulled over... Not because of my driving, but because of the fuckin expired registration... Ooooooo, I was so pissed... Especially since I don't even have my license yet... I would have been fucked on that, but the cop was chill as fuck, and said he'd forget about it... Now you see what I'm talking about with the Luck coming back to me..? When we were in the cop car, he was driving us home, and said "Hey, I know you, you're that kid I locked up the other month!" he was about to give me a fuckin ticket because he already knew I'd been fuckin with the law and shit... But then he asked me if I had been giving the school any problems, or the school cop any problems, or my mother any problems, and I said "nah, I've been fine lately, been at school everyday, out of the school cops sight, and helping my mother out." He didn't believe me at first, but then he called Baker up and Baker said he hasn't been having any trouble with me at all, and he talked to my mom afterwards and she said I've changed ever since he took me in, and I've been helping her out and shit... He asked me my date of birth when he took my information down, and he was aware that my birthday was in like a week... So he told me he'd forget about ever pulling me over that night, and finding out I never had a license... But if I fuck up with Baker, or the Cops period, he'd send the shit through, and I wouldn't be able to get the license until I'm 21... Damn... How many people get by like that..? Ever since that night, I stopped thinking cops were so bad... Thinking there all out to get me and shit... This guy's seen me so many times, he could of just fuckin locked me up again, and made 500 dollars off the fine, and fuckin find his own pleasure and fuckin me over for being a dick to him so much... But when he let me off like that, I realized cops aren't that bad, they're just trying to do there jobs and shit...

On the subject of Luck... I found the remainder of a paycheck today... I had been looking for this shit for like 3 months... It's only 50 dollars, but shit... It's money... And it's the money I'm going to use to pay drivers ed with... Fuck that man, I'm 17 in 4 Days, and I don't even have a car or a license yet, it's time for me to grow the fuck up, and get this petty shit over with... Do it for myself, I don't wanna be walking these streets all my life, or riding a bus wherever I need to get to... Fuck that...

Well Right now? I'm going to get all my papers organized... Nothing specific... but just papers in general... too many papers on the ground next to me, and I need to get them sorted out, homework where the homework goes, applications filled out, personal papers put away, green papers in my wallet haha... cd booklets in the covers, all the shit I don't listen to anymore goes to used cd store... Get this sprint PCS shit filled out so I can get my cell phone back this week... practice the Driver Test shit online, and read that booklet a couple of times... Call up Drivers Ed people and get this shit over with...

I'm out of here, got shit to do... I'll keep up with this shit tomorrow, it helps me keep my life intact, and organized... and I'm out...

Peace To The GOD!
Peace To The Familia!
Peace To Anybody who Cares!

Current Mood: Expansive
Sunday, October 3rd, 2004
2:40 pm
...
Eyo studied religion, studied every aspect of them Preachers/
Decided that my believin stays abstract from some Teachins/
But peep it, what I'm sick of hearin, is Rebellion without Legitimate Reasons/
Fake faggots comin in opposition like having morals is wrong.../
Rappin dumbshit to the people, straight up whorin the song/
Ya'll the reason hiphop's turnin into a bomb/
Slowly swellin up, with mis-educated "Tef-Lungs"/
No Messages in you're songs/
Fuck that, I inspire strength, to all my people hold on/
It wont be long, until we put up our arms/
These Mutha Fuckaz, will learn to just get up and be strong/
Leadin the seeds the right path, instead of teachin em Guns/
Funny how you get labeled a Pussy, just for Speakin God/
Or Labeled Jewish or Christian when people know you're held within HIS Regards/
Atheist Retards, play your A but just, keep your words in your HEART/
Don't display the first given spark/
In you're mind, cuz then you're just leavin a mark/
On You're chest, like Hester and Pearl confused at the Start/
Of the Scarlet Letter, glissenin in the dark/
Believe in Jesus, Believe in Muhammad, Believe in Buddha's Reasons at his death when he Started/
To eat himself to death, for the Salvation in his Heart, and.../
If You think you're smart just because you understand the Department/
Of Moses from Egypt with his People, how it started?/
Then You're just ignorant, you need to understand how SHIT started.../
From Begginin to End, it's always Been just ONE God Here.../
People just got Different Names to refer to the Guardian.../

Current Mood: good
Saturday, October 2nd, 2004
2:20 pm
Time after Time. . . . !
Eyo I've once danced with The Devil, A Rebel I was under The Full Moon/
Blood Curled, Settled I was, smackin his right and left cheek for the sake of my hope-full,-/
-Soul-full, anatomy that God had blessed me with, I had to get my last breath wortha impact in hits/
Blastin shit... He lit off my tail, then he masked me with/
A Red face, I've grown to hate it, so flag-rant... A bastard kid/
Became Master In, The Art of War.../
Massacre, Sin... Started it all.../
Farthest from Righteous I became, but my Intentions were soft/
Prayed to God every night, so he started targettin for my heart/
Listenin to my every words, hopin I would start stressin his love/
Blessin my Heart, with "Immortal Techniques"/
Stressin a far as I "Internally Bleed"/
Mercury deep... My senses communicate with every holiest speech/
Every Holiest Speed, because I spot the light when I go sit close to the creek/
Close the lids who function for my purpose to see/
Picture myself as the very First Degree/
Hurtin in Deep, but never the less I try to hurt as I reach/
Fist of the Week, and my Ambitions still ain't focused, so I keep-/
-On Feelin the pain.../
Of Loneliness, Speakin of this shit just keeps killin my brain/
Chill in my vains, my nerves still feel like their stained/
From Quicksilver pumpin in them, when I was the Mercenary workin for change/
Hurtin who came, in opposition, then I'd go under sanctuary churches during rain/
Grippin my hands, Thinkin about every dirtiest sin/
I've committed, every dirtiest grin/
I've given, every pain forced within every man I've left a hurtin limp/
This can't be life... Unless life explains the understanding of strife/
All I know, is I'm still grippin the knife/
Pointin it at him, Distortin Lucifer's Light/
But Reality remains, that I'm just fuelin Lucifer's Might/
But Useless, Hopeless, or Faithless? Never will I/
Give up on my Pride, I Love God most of all, My Old Earth, and the Essence of Life/
Not the Materials in my Sight, Because I've experienced Miricles every second through Time/
If God was Time, Then I would like, to think he's been right by my side/
His warm hands, wrapped around my wrist, Playin the role of my Guide/
With Given Patience and Time, like the most Ancients of Life/
Determined numbers and moments, through experiences of The Shadow's Sight/
So for the matter of life, I walk through the Valley through Day and through Night/
And if I shall feel afraid, then I'll stear my frame, and just... Check for the Time.../

Current Mood: ambitious
Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
8:49 pm
Feeding the Needy with Paper, is like Feeding me Strength to Prevail
Today...

Wasn't too bad... Went to school, got my shit done... I didn't really feel too motivated or too lively throughout the day though, don't know why... We had an assembly on the whole voting thing... this guy from the 70's who was part of the Sonics team came as a guest speaker on behalf of the State, trying to inspire the youngins... They were pretty excited, and lively... I just kinda sat there, clapped when I needed to, tried not to be disrespectful, for the fact I'm not an American Citizen, but a Green Card holder, so the whole voting shit, didn't really refer to me... I've been thinking about it though, If I'm going to be in this place for a long time, I got to decide before I turn 18...

Got home from school, and I was discouraged basically... Didn't feel like doing much, ate an afternoon meal, and chilled for a while, my spirits got low for a quick second, until I decided to get off my ass and take a bus up to crossroads... Picked up a shitload of applications, I got one at Party City, and I saw that kid Fede from Argentina, I was like Oh shit, what are you doing working here... Picked up a bunch more from all over the area... I'll fill em all out by tomorrow and hopefully get them in... On my way back to the bus stop, I came across this hitchhiker, who had come up all the way from virginia with his wife, he looked about... 40 years or older... he came to me asking for a dollar to catch the bus... I figured I could help him out, because maybe if I'm in need in the future somebody could do the same shit for me... The whole karma thing going on in there... Then he comes in talking about how he's a Tatoo artist, and how he did this tatoo for this guy and the guy didnt have any money so he gave him a pair of shoes which were too small for him, he said they were a pair of 100 dollar shoes, but he'd sell them to me for 5 dollars, I bought them to help the guy out, the shoes didn't even fit me, too small... I figured I could just give them to Jon or something or to somebody who wears 9's... I gave him an extra dollar too, to help him out and shit... He said him and his wife were living in a shack next to this tatoo place by crossroads, and they had no money to eat, or anything... He was carrying a backpack with all his arts, and songs and all those things, he tried to show them to me so that in the future if I wanna get a tatoo to go to him... They weren't too bad, but I think I'm going to go somewhere professional to get a tatoo if I ever do get one that is... But anyways, I just felt good about doing something for somebody else, from my own good will... and I'm glad that I could help the guy out, he was so happy, he left the bus stop with a huge grin on his face... I'm not stressin the money, either... I'll make it back up, and even though the shoes don't fit me, I can get them to somebody who needs it, so all in all? It's still all good... I'm just glad I had the chance to help the needy, you know? Makes you feel like you've done somethin to make life that much better for the people in the struggle...

Well I'm here now, its 9:11... and well, It's early as fuck, but I think I'll start gettin ready to hit the sack, I havent been sleeping normally lately... Like getting to bed as late as 2 AM and waking back up at 5:50 to get ready for school... not healthy... So, I'm gonna go fill my stomach up, then I'm gonna try to get some rest, Gotta play soccer tomorrow too, so the rest is needed...

Peace to The GOD!
Peace to The Fam!
Peace to The Struggle!
Peace to Anybody Who Cares!
Monday, September 27th, 2004
7:10 pm
The Pariah
Walkin through the Valley, with a Steady heart rate.../
Scorchin back... Sweatin my energy off the heat rays/
Each day, I try to work my hardest.../
Cause each day, possibly I could get distorted/
Tryin not to toy with... My Life because for its/
A gift I've gotten, so I can't forfeit/
No bullshit, no whore shit, just stories from the morning/
Of when I was born.../
October 8th, I saw the light when it was dark/
It starts, with the experience, then came the force/
Curious in my heart, my passion stayed large/
People askin me, questions growin up.../
Like, "where's your dad?" Wouldn't know that be-cause/
I never met him, 10 years, our Soul's apart/
But for my own sake, I'll hold onto my pride/
Cuz pops for your own sake, I'll forgive you for your life/
Forty Days, Forty Nights/
Holdin weight, up on my mind/
My spine... Almost broken, from the fight/

Current Mood: accomplished
Sunday, September 26th, 2004
2:36 am
Booom........!
The 26th Stay on the straight and narrow path for the next 24 hours to avoid being bowled over by cosmic shenanigans. Mars enters Libra (2:17AM PDT) until November 10. This reinforces the message of September 24 when Jupiter made the same ingress. In fact, Mars will catch up to Jupiter and conjunct the giant planet at 5:18PM PDT. It's crucial to align your independence and personal will with your place in society and higher goals for the future. You are also playing with fire as the Sun moves 150 degrees to Uranus (4:11AM PDT) and Mercury conjuncts Ceres (5:05PM PDT). Don't get knocked off course by increasing worries and nervous stress. However, the bigger news concerns Chiron stopping its retrograde motion and turning direct at 21 degrees of Capricorn (10:20AM PDT). [Chiron will remain in forward motion until May 9, 2005 when it will once again go into reverse at four degrees of Aquarius.] All Chiron themes -- the wounded healer, old wounds and pains, bridge-building between the personality and soul, body-mind-spirit alignment, maverick and eccentric behavior patterns, the higher quest in life, holistic healing techniques, spiritual studies and divination systems -- are in the spotlight today and for the next few days. A sisterhood gathering or fellowship meeting looks promising tonight during the monthly Moon-Vesta union in Pisces (9:59PM PDT).

The 27th Full Moon fever is rising as the climax of the solar-lunar cycle reaches fulfillment tomorrow morning. Your dreams are extra potent in the early hours as Mercury moves 135 degrees to Neptune (2:25AM PDT) and the Moon glides through Piscean waters. Asteroid watchers should note the shift of Pallas into Virgo (6:33AM PDT) until December 2. This is a good match as brainy and wise Pallas connects well with analytical and scholarly Virgo. Pursue erudite subjects with renewed confidence over the next two months. It's also a good time to work on needlepoint, embroidery, quilting, weaving and sewing projects. Master complex games like chess and backgammon in your spare time. A short void lunar cycle occurs from 6:13PM PDT until 7:58PM PDT when the Moon enters Aries. Many of you may want to have individual or group meditation sessions this evening as the full Moon happens early tomorrow.

The 28th Balance personal desires with relationship needs during the full Moon (6:10AM PDT) that activates six degrees of Libra and Aries. Focusing too much attention on the selfish end of the spectrum will prove costly. There is an extra concentration on helping others since Mercury enters Libra (7:14AM PDT) until October 15 and then Mercury conjuncts Jupiter at one degree of Libra (6:22PM PDT). Clearly, the cosmos is suggesting you drop egocentric viewpoints and assist dear ones on the ropes. If you are looking for an opportunity to open communication channels to maximum frequency, this evening is probably that time. Educational and business prospects appear rosy under the Mercury-Jupiter rapport. All in all, this is a great day for seeing the bigger picture and bringing your fervent ideals a little closer to earthly realization.

The 29th Remember that in the two days after a full Moon, you have a chance to spread the goodwill and inspiration just received during meditations and reflection periods. While yesterday's Mercury-Jupiter union is still having positive ramifications throughout the fields of communication, learning, education and transportation, speedy Mercury now merges with Mars at three degrees of Libra (12:22PM PDT). A Mercury-Mars union is more volatile and chaos-producing than a Mercury-Jupiter encounter. Headstrong moves and rash acts will send you on a wild-goose chase. Know where you are going and what you are doing before taking action. The best news of the day is a general grand triangle in fire signs as the Moon in Aries trines Pluto in Sagittarius (7:32AM PDT) and Venus in Leo (6:34PM PDT). Your creative and artistic prowess is at white-hot levels. A void lunar cycle starts at 6:54PM PDT and ends by 2:25AM PDT tomorrow. If key decisions must be made soon, you may need to postpone them until tomorrow afternoon.

The 30th Overall, this will be a day when you can accomplish a lot. The Moon enters Taurus (2:25AM PDT) -- the sign of its exaltation. This helps you complete practical assignments through hard work and diligence to the jobs at hand. The Sun makes 72-degree aspects to Pluto (8:21AM PDT) and Saturn (1:28PM PDT) -- another cosmic signal that you are being given extra strength and resilience to tackle and resolve personal problems. Like many days, there will be some quirky conditions to recognize and bypass as Mercury moves 150 degrees to Uranus (6:23AM PDT) and Venus moves 135 degrees to Juno (1:33PM PDT). While these times suggest some strange hijinks popping up in communications or key partnerships, they don't have to become insurmountable obstacles to forward progress. Cooking, baking, cleaning, nature treks and physical fitness routines are reinforced under the Taurus Moon vibrations.



Just some personal reminders for myself...



Well, I've been alright... My grandpa left yesterday morning, and I was disappointed with how the daparting went... My mom wasn't too happy the night before, I guess they had a father-daughter mental thing going on again... in which my mother reminds me that it's always been like that when they visit eachother... I just wish that she'd be more understanding, and let it go, because if she does, she becomes a better person...



I love my family, man... I love them more than life itself... Family is a Force that can not be measured... and I am so greatful, for having been so fortunate as to see my grandpa and my uncle for that short amount of time... For they gave me strength, and confidence in who I am, and what I want, and what I'll achieve...



I have a shit-load of homework to get done before school starts... 25 Discussion Questions for AP Lit... Discussion over The Scarlet Letter... I've read both of the chapters of which I have to have the questions from, and I have about 3 questions nicely planned out, and ready to be asked... I finished my Chapter Analysis, and all that good shit... So, I've gotten the hard assignments almost out of the way, the rest are easy assignments... Well, not exactly easy, but lets just say they are not as hard as the assignments for AP Lit... I have to do 2 Diction Analysis essay on these two passages, one is for The Song of Solomon, and the other is for a Passage from Henry James... and get that shit turned in on monday... Then I have World Religion late work to turn in because I was absent on wedsnday morning... I didn't get up on time, plus it was a short day so the schedule was reduced... 2 full Papers... One on Sharon, analyzing the fact that he's been a ruthless leader on Israels part, and at the same time considering the Israeli Morals... As well as one on this Christian paper we were supposed to read, that I never got around too... and this Project I have to get done for The Native American church... I'm working with 2 different people on that Project, so it shouldn't be so much stress on my part... But I already know everything I need to for it, so it's not a problem... All the AP Lit shit is the shit I'm woried about...



Well, I gotta get some sleep, I got a long day ahead of me tomorrow, but I'm confident... So fuck distractions, I'm getting my head straight, and getting my shit done properly...



Here's some pictures... these haven't all been taken at the same date, some of them are before school started, some during school, some recent...







These are about 3 days before school started...




First day of school, I look pretty fucked on this picture lol, I was pissed... hadn't had any sleep, plus it was 1:00 in the morning on a school night, and I was just beggining to help my mother out at her work, so I wasn't in a good mood, but whatever...







This was taken 2-3 days ago, in the car with my family, my grandpa and my uncle, and mom were being gay, and argueing so i was pretty stressed on the first two, but the last one, i was chilled, we were all chillin, conversating, and shit...



Well I'm out of here, I'll take some more later, because this is the past... I'm trying to live in the future, so I'm lookin forward to acknowledging my own metamorphosis, after this following week...



You wanna hate? FUCK you... :-] Mother Fucker...







Peace to The GOD!
Peace to The Fam!



Peace to Anybody who Cares!
Friday, September 24th, 2004
7:59 pm
picture


Me and my mom yesterday in the mitsubishi with my uncle and grandpa
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